I Have Trust Issues
 I've decided to dub February; 'National Trust Issues' month. I used to deny I had trust issues. Now I totally dig them. Now I just put it right out there on dates, too. "Oh yeah, I totally have trust issues." Or, "I'm infested with trust issues." Hey, that could be my next pick up line. Here are some fun ways to accept and embrace all your issues, so they no longer control you.
Tell Your Girlfriend You Feel Needy:
Next time you are feeling needy look at your girlfriend and say: "Honey Bunny. I feel needy. Hold my hand." Ten seconds later, say: "Ok, I'm fine now. Let go of me. Freak." Then dump water on her leg. That routine will get rid of your neediness. Only use water. Do not dump coffee, tea, or a citris beverage on her leg. That could ruin her jeans or skirt. That's not funny. But water is fine. And the spilling of water on her leg counter balances the weird intimate feeling you may get from saying how you feel. It's fun when you can make fun of yourself. And, it's fun to spill water on your girlfriend's leg. She will know you have intimacy issues after this routine. But she will respect you for mentioning it if you are not seeking her approval. She'll also respect you for spilling water on her leg. This 'loss of neediness' technique is much more effective and healthy than manipulation, passive aggression, and jealousy. She'll probably stay around because your neediness will go away by taking it lightly. And you'll have fun owning your unique quirks, instead of making your neediness about her.
Put That Insecurity Out There:
Five years back an ex and I were fighting - in Starbucks of all places. The fight was escalating and getting louder. Luckily, I was on a self-awareness kick at the time. I was also on a 'dig your quirks' kick. She just delivered an escalated intense statement. It was my turn to argue. I was ready. And I can be good at arguing. A dick you might say. Back then I had no fear of cutting a girlfriend to shreds with my passive aggressive razor sharp wit. "To be wrong is death." Then, out of nowhere I said: "Hmm. You know what? It is me. I'm just feeling insecure at the moment." Then she gave me the strangest look and said: "Wow. I'm impressed. And I'm lost." The fight quickly ended. Then we kissed. And a half hour later I had her pinned up against my livingroom wall. We were having hot sex. Or at least I was.
An important side note: "I'm feeling insecure at the moment." was said without me seeking her approval. My insecure feeling went away quickly after I said that statement. But not because she approved of my self-awareness. It went away because I was ok with feeling insecure at that moment. And I was ok with putting it out there regardless of her approval. Doing that actually makes me more secure than faking it. That relationship lasted another year and a half before it ended. Overall it was a great relationship. The beginning of my more grown-up relationships. But I didn't trust her so I threw her out of an airplane. Just like in the movie The Good Shepard.
Sometimes It's Not You:
Trust your gut. Some people are not trustworthy. It's been written that a person's level of growth and self-awareness will determine how long he or she keeps attracting untrustworthy people. I read that on the Internet so I know it's true. I noticed in some relationships - platonic and romantic - I get to a place where it is hard for me to discern: Is that person not trustworthy? Or it is my trust issues? Here is where I feel it's best to flip a coin. Heads it's you. Tails it's my trust issues. They say relationships heal. I can see that happening if I let go and trust a trustworthy person.
So there you have it. Happy February.
All the best,
Matt the barrista
Comments welcome in the forum
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