Instant Date, Just Add Gumption

One of my best friends was in town this weekend. As we were sipping our espressos at a trendy Israeli cafe in Encino, he was eyeing our attractive waitress, and the subject of picking up women during the daytime came up. When I was single I loved that activity. Once I learned what was possible, a trip to Whole Foods Market felt as exciting as a trip to a bar did during my rocker days. I loved meeting strangers during the daytime so much, that my passion for it landed me a job with a reputable social coaching firm. That firm generated over a million dollars a year in revenue teaching men how to meet and connect with women. I no longer work there. And, I am not single at the moment either. But, the firm taught substance over gimmicks. I liked that. So when my friend asked me for advice I jumped at the opportunity to give it. The topic was insta-dates: Approaching a woman in a daytime setting, and getting her to have a beverage with you on the spot.

Believe me when I tell you that I am no Hitch. My girlfriend can confirm that for you. And that is good news. I learned a long time ago that I did not need to be rich and ultra smooth to be abundant in the dating world. There are plenty of quality women that will date you while you are still rising to the top, even if you are not there yet. If a woman senses you have passion and purpose, she will join you on your mission. But, that is a different article. Here is a checklist of what works well for me when interacting with attractive strangers and going for an insta-date. It is hoped that it will help you, if you are looking to improve your "day game"

• Assuming Rapport
• Putting Your Intention Out There
• Leading
• Time Constraint

Assuming Rapport

I often struggled with what to say to start a conversation. But, as most of you already know, the opening line does not matter much. What matters a little more is how I respond to her response to my opening line. But what matters most is my vibe. And, the vibe of assumed rapport is king for me. A woman can intuitively tell when a guy is seeking rapport with her. She would rather go clean her cat litter box instead of go through that routine again. So I cut out the 'seeking' part, and just assume rapport is already there. The tone of my voice implies we are already friends. Achieving that voice tone is facilitated by losing the agenda to 'pick her up' until I get her to reveal something unique about herself. I talk to her as if the two of us used to ditch class together. Practicing the habit of assumed rapport makes the overused questions, "Where are you from?", and "What do you do?" show up at the right time: When it does not feel like you are seeking rapport.

Putting Your Intention Out There:

Murky intentions convey fear. Back in the day, I would sometimes have a platonic conversation with a woman, while knowing I was interested in more than a platonic relationship. Escalating the interaction and stating my intention was too nerve racking for me. As a result, when I did ask for her phone number, she either flaked, or put me in the friend zone. I was programmed to think that if I stated my intention I was no longer a nice guy. The source of that faulty wiring is beyond the scope of this article, but it could be related to mass media, and the emasculation the American male over the last couple decades. Regardless, I learned that conveying my intention was welcome, respected, and a great confidence builder, when done in a certain way.

For me, the way to state my intention is tied directly into getting her to reveal something unique about herself. I know what I find sexy. And, I am in touch with my standards. Along with the physical features I like, I am attracted to spontaneous, quirky, self-aware, nerdy, witty, exuberant goofballs. Since those standards are internalized for me, it is easy for me to spot them in someone. When a woman conveys any of the aforementioned traits, and I am physically attracted to her, I state my intention right away. I like using either the words 'attractive' or 'sexy' and I tie it into her uniqueness. I used to be concerned about choosing the correct word to state my intention. e.g. Should I use the word "cute, sexy, attractive, gorgeous, beautiful" ? I decided to quit worrying about what she will think of my word selection. I do better going with the word that feels most genuine for me in the moment.

"I like the way you said that: You are an attractive creative nerd."

Leading

"I like you. I only have ten minutes, but let's grab some green tea at Starbucks, I would love to chat with you a bit more."

"Um, can I have your phone number?", "Do you want to have coffee with me?"

Time Constraint

Once she has revealed something I find unique. I lead the interaction to an insta-date with a statement. The statement includes a time constraint: An explicit statement that I'd like to chat more right now, but that I do not have much time. I probably only have a few free minutes while running errands during the day. She may have less time than that. But you will be surprised at how often she does have ten free minutes to talk to you: Especially when you have given her an exit strategy with your time constraint.

"I'm having a blast chatting with you. You know what...I'm going to Starbucks for green tea right now. Come with me. I only have a couple minutes, but I'd love it if you joined me."

Save To Del.icio.us