|
|
To Google or Not To Google?
That is the question!
By Lisa Steadman, AKA The Relationship Journalist™
 I've just been Googled. I feel so violated! And relieved.
See, I'm still trying to determine the best time to tell a potential suitor that not only do I write about dating and relationships for a living, but I also run the website www.BreakupChronicles.com.
"You write about breakups?" men have been known to ask suspiciously when I fess up. And it's then that the wheels in their head start turning as they contemplate whether they should end things now or wait for the "expert" to make them an ex.
But this guy's different. Yes, he sounded skeptical when he called to confess his Google (after just three dates). But once I explained that I'm not pro-breakup - I simply believe that breaking up with the wrong person is the right thing to do - he sounded impressed and decided he could live with that.
As soon as we hung up the phone, I Googled him right back. Turns out, he has a very common name. And I didn't have the time or energy to sort through the Australian surfer, the California-born voice over actor, and Texan track star who share his name to get to the facts on my current beau.
But this whole experience brought up a very good point. To Google or not to Google? That is the question.
Getting the Facts
We've all heard the horror stories: Girl meets boy. Girl falls in love with boy. Turns out boy is married/psychotic/running from the law. Girl feels confused, betrayed, heartbroken. And while a police record and marriage license may not show up during a Google search, other facets of a person's past do. In our era of online dating, where anyone - single, married, on the lam - can create a profile, post a picture, and go on dates, Googling a potential match may not be such a bad idea.
The Proliferation of Misinformation
Having said that, it's important to keep in mind that not all of the information online is accurate. A few years back, if you were so inclined to do a search on me, you'd discover I was a doll collecting lesbian. Never mind that neither was true (not that there's anything wrong with that!). It just so happened that in the late nineties I was a struggling writer who met the publisher of a lesbian magazine and pitched my way into print. She never asked - and I never told - that I was straight and had a boyfriend. Who knew that, years later, the publication would have a website and archive my theatre reviews? And as for the doll collecting, before I wrote about dating and relationships, I worked for a toy company where I wrote about - you guessed it - collecting dolls.
A Great Ice Breaker
"It's all about the spin you put on it," my girlfriend Shona, a Los Angeles-based web producer says. She's a fan of Googling prospective boyfriends early on, and claims it can be a great ice breaker. "I'm totally up front about it. I'll send them a cheeky email telling them what I've found and usually their reply is something like 'Oh, you savvy girl,' and then we laugh about it. It's fun to discover new things about someone you're interested in. And I've never found anything that would deter me from dating someone."
The Mystery is History
Chris, a writer/filmmaker living and dating in Los Angeles regards the act of Googling as the end of romance. "It just takes the mystery out of getting to know someone. And that's part of the fun of dating." And while I agree with this sentiment to a certain extent, a girl's gotta wonder. Do we have to choose between the end of romance and the comfort of security? When I mentioned this, Chris offered the following advice: "If you're at all skeptical about someone, then don't date them." 'Nuf said.
Go with your gut
"Some people are worth Googling," Renee, a sultry jazz singer who recently relocated from D.C. to Los Angeles believes. "When you're in a new city and you're meeting people on your own, outside of your circle of friends, you've got to go with your gut. If you're suspicious of anything, go for it. Do the search. But if it feels right, don't bother."
Invasion of Privacy?
Is the act of Googling someone an invasion of privacy? Maybe. But it's not necessarily negative. As for me, I'm okay with being Googled. I think I even respect the fact that my current beau felt inclined to do so. Because it means he's aware of the pitfalls of dating a virtual stranger and wants to take the necessary precautions. Maybe Googling your date is nothing more than the emotional equivalent of safe sex. And this thoroughly modern safety-conscious gal - along with most of the people I talked to - is perfectly fine with that.
Lisa Steadman, AKA The Relationship Journalist™ writes about dating and relationships for a living. She is also the site creator/editor of www.BreakupChronicles.com featuring true life tales of how breaking up with the Wrong person was the Right thing to do.
EMAIL ARTICLE
|
|