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Selective Online Dating - I Discriminate
By Matt the Barrista
First, let me preface this article by saying that I'm completely happy with all the sign-ups and new profiles I get daily. You guys rock and if it wasn't both creepy and unethical to date on my own dating site I'd be in here flirting and meeting you for genmaicha green tea at a fun eclectic coffee house. However, I do have mad supermarket game so I may find you in the produce section at Trader Joes if you live in LA or Orange County.
But yes, you read that correctly; I discriminate. I discriminate when I approve your profile. When you have your own small time free online dating site you are allowed discriminate. And I truly have no problem kicking your profile to the curb.
Here is exactly how I discriminate: Why I may not approve your profile, or why I might delete it later if it somehow slipped through.
1. You're a married person looking for a discreet fling on the side:
No judgment here. We're all equals, I think. Either way; on It's Just Coffee extramarital explorers go over like a drunken step dad on Christmas morning. But don't get mad. Just google "dating for married people" and you'll find the site that's right for you. If you still want to waste your time signing up on It's Just Coffee, someone will report you (It's Just Coffee singles do flag) and I'll delete you. Then you'll be emailing me one day saying: "Hey, I can't seem to login and it says my IP has been blocked - what gives?"
2. Your profile conveys something that creeps me out:
Yes, I know - this is purely subjective: Something about your photo (and the way you type) conveys that you're going creep out others in my database. Just keep in mind that I usually feel creeped out when I see cheesy meat market text with bad spelling and grammar attached to a photo of a person with dilated pupils and a sweaty forehead.
Ironically I often have bad spelling and grammar myself, but I'm not allowed to date on my own site, so I'm exempt.
I'm also creeped out by really short standoffish answers because you think you're cool. e.g. Profile Question: Why You Should Get To Know Me: Profile Answer: "because"
I'm also usually creeped out when a guy is doing muscle flexing poses with his shirt off with a face that conveys he's actually serious, or when a girl with big hair is posing in lingerie from the 80s with a headline that looks something like this: "im sexy and im4u."
Just Google the phrase: "Free Online Dating" and you'll find a plethora of free online dating sites with folks sporting mullets that drink Schlitz Malt Liquor ™ daily, chain smoke, and can't spell.
And please, if you post a photo of yourself standing in front of your Mercedes/BMW/Ferrari, try WealthyMen.com.
 The singles at It's Just Coffee most likely don't have a problem with affluence - but we think it's weird that you're using it in a photo to try to attract us and it's having the opposite effect. Just write something witty and funny or even sardonic/grimly jocular. Have standards, and learn that you're already enough. Perhaps refinance the auto loan, get a little therapy, and you'll be fine.
3. You're just looking for an online meat market website:
Now there are personals' websites for you folks that want to skip the lattes and just hook up. Oh, come on, don't be shy; post a photo of your package on Adult FriendFinder. Chances are someone will want you to come over right now. Hey, I'd feel sad if I let the It's Just Coffee database grow to look like an after hours party that relocated from a meat market dive bar located in that section of town where folks are often asked to appear on Jerry Springer. Though I can be tricked by a cleverly written profile and you may slip through.
4. You're looking for lengthy personality tests that will match you with your soul mate:
I'm a huge fan of therapy, tests, or anything that will help grow your self-awareness/emotional intelligence. But if you really believe there is a personality test that can match couples for compatible baggage and mutual chemistry then try Perfectmatch.com - a scientific approach to find the one you belong with forever.
That's about it for now. You know the rest: If you are tired of meat market and soul mate matching websites, and you have an affinity for Arts and Culture, and you are socially conscious, slightly sardonic, yet into metaphysics and self-improvement, you'll like connecting with singles at It's Just Coffee...
~Matt the Barrista
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