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The Power of Shutting Up On Dates
 That picture on the left represents my mind telling my voice to shut up: To stop talking about accomplishments or plans when I feel the need for external praise and an ego boost from the person I'm talking to. The frame ( the perspective of abundance or scarcity ) that drives my statements of accomplishments (or future big plans) determimes whether or not I feel the need for approval, or if I'm simply sharing something I feel excited about, putting myself out there, and relating in a healthy way.
The Premise:
There is great power in keeping your mouth shut if the impetus driving your statements to others about your plans or accomplishments is to impress them, attract them, or show them you are interesting. Repetitive statements of from the mindset of "look at what I got going on" reinforces that you feel you are not enough just with your vibe and presence. Repetitive reinforcement of lack keeps the cycle going. Finally, you become the transparently lacking bragger. This is no different then when you see those guys driving monster trucks with giant tires. Actually, this reminds me of a time I was driving with my x girlfriend; a monster truck guy squeeled his tires as we took off from a stop light and she yelled the following statement out my window: "Sorry about your penis!" Yeah she rocked. Too bad we were not the right match. As far as the monster truck guy's package, maybe that was fine and he lacked in another area. Who knows. It's just fun to make fun of monster truck guys and I recommend everyone try it.
Also, when you talk about your plans to others for no reason, the drive to make your plans reality diminishes. Abstaining from talking about plans keeps the energy, inspiration, and motivation driving the plans growing. You naturally become a doer instead of a talker. From there everyone wants to be your friend or lover. Most importantly, monster truck guys want your autograph.
Be Self-Aware:
Be self aware to know the drive behind your statements. The words do not matter. For example, the statement "I am in a band and about to get signed" can be driven one of two frames:
- Wanting to share your feeling of excitement in relation to the excitement someone else may be feeling about something they're excited about - a healthy frame.
- Feeling the need to get a result: To attract, impress, and receive praise from someone - a scarcity mentality that you're not already enough.
Be self aware, and if you discover you are looking for a result, remind yourself to shut the f@*& up - lovingly of course. Then take a breath and feel the energy in your body. From here make fun of yourself. Then, after you make fun of yourself, make fun of a monster truck guy.
Don't Get Mad At Yourself When You Do Slip Up:
I still catch myself not keeping my mouth shut at times. And I still dig myself for having my little quirks. I can forgive myself for feeling less than or better than others at times. Luckily, eighty five percent of the time, I'm aware when I slip up now. That awareness is a gift. It's a reminder to take a breath and just feel my sense of being so I can experience that I am enough. I love this touchy feely shit.
Matt the barista
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