Does Chemistry = Curiosity?
By Mocha Mark

Saturday morning, I had time on my hands and spent a few minutes perusing women's profiles on It's Just Coffee.com. As I was reading, it dawned on me how often the word "Chemistry" appears in the majority of profiles. How many of you have authored phrases such as; "it's all about the chemistry" or "there has to be that certain chemistry", or "I've dated off and on, but just haven't found that right chemistry"? I bet most of you are nodding your heads......I know for me, it's a "wow" feeling when I meet a woman, and there's "just" something about her. It's hard to put my finger on it, but you know when it's there.

For me it was Amy. Every man wants to and probably should meet an Amy. When we first met her, the "wow" feeling was immediate. The first time I saw her standing in her driveway, arms crossed, tapping her shoe, I was struck. Talk about "chemistry", from that moment on, I created every excuse and reason to spend time with her. She was it for me, and even though we're not together, I still think of her every day, wondering what and how she's doing.

Have any of you been lucky enough to have this "chemistry" with a man? If you have, don't you wish you could keep this "feeling" alive for years and years?

What is "chemistry"? Why is it we have "chemistry" with some and not with others? Is "chemistry" an instant attraction, or can "chemistry" be created over time with the right person? Do we need this "chemistry" for a relationship to work? Or.....is instant "chemistry" the recipe for disaster?

I admit, I probably place too much emphasis on "chemistry" when first meeting a woman, but.....the best relationships and the "best" women I've known all started out with a strong "chemistry"....so why fight it? What IS "chemistry"? I've read or heard about the phermones and the actual "physical" reactions we have with certain people, but my question is "What triggers these chemical reactions?". I sure would like to know the answer because when it's there I want to be with her and only her.

I ask myself is this like the chicken and the egg...which comes first? Does "chemistry" spark my curiosity about someone, or does my curiosity ignite the "chemistry" which releases those wonderful phermones?

In an attempt to answer my own questions, I think back to Amy. I should confess, I'm a man and was attracted to her physical beauty when I first saw her, but yet there was something more. I've seen beautiful women before and hadn't felt this way....what was it?

I had never met or seen her, an associate of mine had set a Saturday morning appointment with her. That morning I was assisting with my son's little league team and I remember calling her to reschedule our appointment. She thought I was nuts...she made it perfectly clear how she had scheduled her day around this appointment and she "expected" me to be there. I thought to myself "what a bitch, this will be a waste of time" but I had committed to meeting her. I told her I would be an hour late and I hung up the phone it was obvious she was a bit put off, let's say irritated, let's even say pissed off. You know what....I couldn't wait to meet her.

I ask myself, was it my inherent curiosity sparked by her brash, sassy, confident, phone manner which set the stage....or was it her physical attractiveness? Well....I think it's like the perfect storm. Amy triggered my curiosity by creating a tension between the two of us right from the start. She actually created a stage for me, she "expected" me to be there, to live up to my commitment, she made it "perfectly" clear she had respect for herself and her time, but yet appreciated I would spend part of my Saturday working with her.

As our relationship developed her physical attractiveness remained the same, but what did become more intense was my growing curiosity about her, what made her tick, and how she challenged me and inspired me. Through this intellectual banter and foreplay my attraction for her physically grew stronger and stronger. The result was a "chemistry" that even today, if I were to see her phone number on my cell phone, I would have butterflies.

For me, physical attractiveness is pretty subjective, and there are plenty of good looking women, just as for you, there are plenty of good looking men. In my opinion the true "chemistry" test is how deep is the mutual curiosity for each other. If the mutual curiosity is strong.....there's chemistry. If not, it's like watching re-run, it's like been there done that. After a while you turn off the TV and take a nap.

If and when I meet another "Amy", I will truly appreciate the value of such a woman. In my humble opinion, "chemistry" is be sparked by curiosity, and it can only be maintained by constantly creating new adventures or stages whereby mutual curiosities are constantly evolving. It's not the physical curiosity which is the over riding factor....it's the intellectual curiosity and banter which fuels the relationship. This curiosity is the constant spark to maintain a "chemistry" which keeps the physical curiosities exciting, refreshing and long lasting.

So, when you meet the next one... ..and you're wondering "will there be chemistry"...check your curiosity level, that just may be a good indicator of what's to come.